"Merry," asked Frodo
idly of his best friend, one day, just before lunch, "Do you miss dear
Bilbo as much as I do?"Although it suddenly
occurred to him that perhaps he'd been a little hasty in his question, for
he'd remembered that Merry didn't like to talk about Bilbo. Frodo
hurriedly looked up from the accounts he was perusing, and saw that Merry
was indeed troubled. His eyes were clouded, and he was frowning. It made
Frodo's heart beat faster, and fill with love for his best and most
favourite cousin, who had always understood him, even at his worst, after
his parents had drowned, and then after Bilbo had passed on. Who realised
how much Bilbo had meant to Frodo, how he'd been as close as his father to
him in a way, after taking him in and adopting him as he had done. Merry
knew how much it had hurt Frodo when Bilbo died. In many ways, Frodo
didn't know what he would do without him. He had been so glad when Merry
had decided to move in to support him, at least for a little while.
"It's all right, you know," he said quickly, not
wanting to upset Merry further, "I wasn't really dwelling on it, I know
you've told me I shouldn't. It was just an idle thought, because I was
looking at these old accounts, and his handwriting is all over them."
Frodo tipped the account book so that Merry could
see the round copperplate hand of Bilbo, sprawling large across the page.
It looked very bold next to Frodo's own cramped style.
"Good gracious," said Merry, "There is a lot of it,
isn't there? He's left his mark all over the place. I hadn't even
thought."
And Frodo smiled at that, at the sharp brightness of
Merry's tone, knowing he'd been forgiven, although he also knew that Merry
would make him pay for such a gloomy observation before the end of the
day. Probably with a particularly energetic game of roopie, or a
devastatingly accurate thrashing at quoits. Perhaps once Pippin had
arrived.
But Frodo knew too that he'd be laughing fit to
burst by the end of it, laughing until his stomach hurt, and he knew it
would serve him right. He loved Merry so much. He always had the best ways
to get his own back.
***
Heavens, thought Pippin, as he dug his heels into
his pony's sides, I'm going to be late.
The prod from a horny hobbit foot made the pony crab
sideways a little, and Pippin swore. He might have known. All the best
animals had been taken out already, since it was market day in Hobbiton,
and although that had certainly been Pippin's excuse for visiting, it
wasn't actually his reason for riding over. But, what with one thing and
another, he'd been late to the stables, and now, given this addle-footed
nag, he'd even be late to lunch. It wouldn't do.
Pippin didn't want to miss Sam's cooking, of course.
And Frodo might be a little put out that he was late. But really it was
Merry he was worried about. Merry would be upset. He always seemed to be
upset these days. If things didn't go perfectly to plan, then he went all
quiet, or, even worse, became jolly and full of life - only it was a rude
sort of life, too overblown and large. Like the last apples of autumn,
round and red, and yet too sweet and full, ready to fall off the branch
any moment into rot and decay. Pippin didn't know what he could do about
Merry when he went like that, and it left him a bit anxious. Which was
distressing, because Pippin wasn't at all the sort of hobbit who was
anxious in the normal run of things.
So he patted his bulging saddle-bags to reassure
himself, and his pony calmed under the touch.
"Stupid beast," Pippin said, soothingly, "I wasn't
petting you."
But he still smiled. It was a good omen, Pippin
decided. Merry would like his present, and then everything would be all
right. And Merry wouldn't glare at him for being late. Or make him eat
three times the number of scones he would normally want, just to make it
up to him. Pippin hadn't even realised he had a upper limit on scone
consumption until Merry began this odd turn of behaviour. But anything for
a quiet life, Pippin mused, thinking longingly of the old days. Although
what exactly about them had been different, he found hard to put his
finger on.
***
It were mad, really, Sam decided. What the gentry
got up to, their odd starts and strange turns. It were more than an
ordinary hobbit could keep up with, and no mistake. His Gaffer was right,
there was no telling with some folks, and it wasn't his place to question
his betters, he knew that. But still…
Why did Master Merry wander the hallways of the
smial at all hours of the night?
Bad dreams, Sam reckoned. Or, at least, it surely
didn't look as though Master Merry were awake as he walked, or as he
sometimes stroked odd bits of furniture. Sam had called out to him a time
or two, but he'd got no reply. He muttered to himself too, although Sam
could never make out what he was saying. Not that he'd been listening, Sam
assured himself. That wouldn't be right. But he did follow him at times,
just to make sure he didn't hurt hisself. Surely no-one would argue
against the rightness of that.
But it did make Sam ponder, even now, as he were
taking young Master Pippin's coat. Master Merry was looking ever so
wide-eyed and cheerful, but Sam knew better. The poor lad must be fit for
nothing more than to sleep the clock round, which probably explained that
over-bright look in his eye. And the too-tight familial arm he threw round
Master Pippin's shoulders as he drew him within to the parlour.
No, it weren't right, and since Master Merry was all
but living here at Bag End now, after dear Master Bilbo had… Well. And him
being such a comfort to Master Frodo, an' all. Sam wanted him to be happy.
To be the carefree young hobbit he should be, and not to have such bad
dreams. There weren't a lot he could do, of course, Sam knew that, but he
was determined that he was going to try and help. Even if all he could
think of at the moment was to brew Master Merry valerian tea before bed,
and to hope that he drank it.
He was still pondering when Master Frodo called for
the lunch to be brought into the dining room. Sighing, Sam put it out of
his mind for now. All he knew was that things weren't the same. Change
never was for the good, or so his Gaffer said. Sometimes Sam thought he
might even agree with him.
***
Dear Merry, thought Frodo, as he watched him fuss
over Pippin, and press yet another sandwich onto his plate. He's always so
thoughtful, and makes a wonderful host. Much better than I am, really.
It certainly was very comforting to just let Merry
take over, and arrange everything. He'd looked after the funeral, for
example, and he'd arranged the most stupendous feast to send Bilbo off
with. It was going to be talked about for years. He always knew exactly
what things Frodo liked, what brought him the most pleasure. And Frodo
almost spared a blush at that idle thought, which he would have been hard
put to explain at the dining table.
Instead, he roused himself enough to lean forward
and lift up his mug, still half full of ale, and raise it in a toast,
while the mood was on him.
"What do you say? To friendship, my dearest of
cousins," said Frodo, smiling, and wondered why Pippin looked a little
relieved when Merry sat back and smiled blindingly back at him. You'd
almost think that Pippin was concerned about something, although what it
could be, Frodo couldn't think.
"Oh yes, toasts! That's marvellous!" Pippin agreed,
and raised his own mug to clink it with Frodo's. "And after toasts comes
presents, don't you think? Since it's market day, and everything."
Frodo chuckled and watched Pippin's enthusiasm carry
him on.
"Or… Or… Because it's a Wednesday! Or possibly, just
possibly, because it will be my birthday next week..."
"Really, Pippin? We'd all quite forgotten," Merry
joked, and Frodo smiled again. Dear, dear, Merry. What would he do
without him.
"Well, I could always go and find out if there are
deserving families who need them more. If you're not certain," Pippin
grinned back. "I'm sure Sam here could tell me if there were deserving
families in the area, couldn't you, Sam?"
"Oh yes, sir. If you had a mind." And even Sam was
smiling now. This was just what Frodo liked. His best friends all around
him, a wonderful meal in front of him, and a surprise yet to come. What
could be better than that?
***
His birthday! It would be wonderful, and there would
be sandwiches, and cake, and toasted muffins, and all his friends, and
whatever it was that had been bothering Merry would be all fixed. There
was very little that couldn't be fixed by a four course meal with all the
trimmings, after all. Pippin decided he was as happy as a lark as he
beamed round at the assembled company. He realised now, after several
ales, how silly it had been for him to worry. It was such a good idea to
give out his presents early like this, to his most especial friends. He
was so glad he'd thought of it. And Merry was laughing now, and that was
wonderful too, and Pippin had chosen particularly carefully for him, given
his odd behaviour of late – there was no dusty old mathom inside the
colourful tissue paper. Not that Frodo, or even Sam, didn't deserve nice
things, but somehow it didn't seem to matter as much as it did for Merry.
Pippin was almost bouncing with excitement as he
dived into his saddlebag. Hurriedly he brought out Frodo's present, and
the smaller one for Sam, before looking for Merry's. There it was! He was
extra specially careful as he drew the gift out. It would be terrible to
break it at this late stage, and very deliberately didn't think about what
that might do to Merry's mood.
Beaming with pride, Pippin placed it on the table
and stepped back. It was lovely to see Merry all bright-eyed with cheer.
Pippin held his breath as Merry unwrapped the tissue paper, and then the
fine linen handkerchief he'd been given first to wrap it up in. Sam made a
strangled sound as the present was slowly revealed. Pippin watched, and
then laughed with pleasure as Merry changed colour, from rosy pink to
white, and then flushing a heavy red, before he gasped and sat down.
"It is a beautiful pipe, isn't it, Merry?" said
Pippin, in triumph, "I found it in Bucklebury you know. At Tobias's – I
know how much you love his work. But I managed to buy it before anyone
else had seen it - Tobias himself promised me that it was unique and that
no-one else would have a pipe like it. So you can relax, and let everyone
admire it, and the wonderful smoke rings you'll be able to blow. Merry,
you do like it, don't you? Don't you?"
Merry looked up, and were his eyes glittering?
Pippin almost felt a lump come to his own throat at that. Birthdays were
wonderful things. He did so like making his friends happy.
"Yes, Pippin," said Merry, in a hoarse voice, "I do
like it. It was just so unexpected, that's all. Although perhaps I should
never assume anything. I'll remember that in the future. Thank you."
And Pippin beamed again. He'd never seen Merry so
overcome. Sam too looked like he couldn't believe his eyes. What a
success! How lovely! He raised his own mug in another toast, and then took
a satisfied pull. This had been a very good idea indeed.
***
It were very late, for the fire was burned down to
glowing embers in the grate, and the candles were merest stubs, although
that was still plenty of light for Sam to finish off his duties. The
plates made a shrill squeaking noise as Sam scraped them off, preparatory
to giving them a good soak overnight. It were enough to give him a
headache, he reckoned, or why else would his poor head throb so?
He ignored the flutter in his chest, and the dull
heaviness of limbs tired at the end of a long day, yet still twitching
with an odd tension. He ignored that because what else could he do?
Perhaps it was a telling thing, that he'd come here, into the small
scullery, with its large stone tubs and wooden drying racks. It was the
quietest part of the smial, Sam thought. A place a body could think. A
dark shadowy nook, with only the reflected candlelight from the kitchen to
illuminate his work.
And he weren't hiding, whatever anyone thought. No,
of course, he weren't. He was just trying to think.
It didn't stop him jumping a bit though when he
heard the kitchen door creak open. And he'd been meaning to have a go at
that hinge with a drop of oil, one of these days. A person could have a
right funny turn at the noise, if he didn't get them hinges seen to…
But it was only Master Merry, coming in for his
valerian tea, like as not. Sam nearly called out to him, because it was
only Master Merry, when all was said and done. But something stopped up
his throat as close as if he'd been choked, something in the set of
Merry's shoulders, in his wide eyes. Something that tickled at Sam's
memory, like a trout might tickle his fingers in the stream. And something
just as cold. It were worse than when Master Merry was sleep-walking
somehow. Sam had never felt afraid then, just a kind of overwhelming pity,
little though Master Merry would want that.
So he kept quiet, and instead watched as Merry
looked around, at the dim kitchen, at the pans set for scrubbing, at the
black kettle on its hook. Sam wished he knew why he wanted Master Merry to
leave again, without seeing him. Why he wanted that with all his heart.
But it was with a fine sense of inevitability that Merry turned to the
little scullery and smiled slowly, easily. Sam clutched the pot scourer to
himself and bobbed his head.
But Merry only strolled over and leaned against the
doorjamb. "There you are, Sam."
And his voice was the same as always, rich and warm,
with that faint Buckland burr. Somehow that made it worse.
"Sir," he tried, his own voice rough, and higher
than he'd like.
Merry's gaze flicked round the little room, taking
in its stone sinks, and the mangle in the corner, and the buckets that
waited to be taken out and filled from the well.
"I have a problem, you know," he said gently, and
Sam swallowed, his throat dry and dusty. "I think you can help me with it,
Sam."
"I'm always happy to help, sir," said Sam, and be
damned if his voice didn't crack a little, long years though it had been
since he last had to worry about that.
Merry smiled gently, and pulled his handkerchief
from his pocket. "I only want you to wash this for me. I think it got a
little dirty carrying my pipe over from the Great Smials. Would you do
that for me, Sam?"
"Now, sir? So late, and all," Sam tried, making no
move to take it from Merry's outstretched hand.
"I think it has to be now, you know. I really think
it does."
And Sam swallowed, before reaching out and taking
the folded linen, and his skin was crawling, and he knew it weren't Master
Merry's hanky, not once he'd seen it, he just knew it weren't. He'd known
at dinner, really, when Merry had first unwrapped it. And there was the
'B' stitched into the corner, all twining curlicues and fanciful leaves,
you could barely tell it was a 'B' – unless you knew, oh yes, you knew –
because you recognised it, because you'd sewed it, and your blood was in
it, pricked from your thumb, where you darned so fine, and there… Yes,
there…
A damp spot now, just one teardrop, fallen onto
soft, white fabric. It could absorb it all, absorb it and keep mum. It
could, but could Sam?
"I saw you, Sam – you recognised this little
insignificant square of cloth, the same as I did. And I want you to tell
me when you saw it last. If you would."
His voice was so very coaxing – he might have been
trying to persuade Master Pippin to come down from a tree, or Master Frodo
to put aside his papers and laugh again, and it made Sam so sad somehow,
amidst all his fright. For Master Merry wasn't so changed. He still loved
and cared for his friends, his family. Nothing had really altered.
Except for this small piece of history, and the
story it told.
"It were…" he began, before faltering, and then
starting again afresh. "It were on the day Mr Bilbo drownded in the Water.
So early he went out, for that last walk of his. No-one saw him but me,
and he took his hazel stick, and his bottle green coat, and he had a
handkerchief tucked in his pocket, like always. And when they pulled him
out, he still had his coat, and the stick washed up in the millpond, but
his handkerchief… Well, that had gone into the water, and washed far away.
Washed down into the Brandywine, it looks like. And now it's come back.
Here to Bag End, where it was sewed, where there was no-one else but me to
notice it, or to know what was in Mr Bilbo's pockets, on that last day."
"But you're wrong," said Merry, still in such a
reasonable tone, so even and so warm, "Surely you know you're wrong, dear
Sam. For I recognised it, did I not? And how could I do that, if you were
the only one who knew?"
Sam closed his eyes, and bowed his head. "Because
there's one other who might know, sir. If Mr Bilbo met someone on the
banks of the Water, if he… argued with them, maybe. Or if there was
something Mr Bilbo had that the other wanted. Hidden under a handkerchief,
p'raps. Then that person would know. If that person pushed Mr Bilbo into
the Water, or… held him under. Then that person would know."
"It's a pity," said Merry, and now his voice was
brittle, and bright, although still so very gentle. And it was closer too.
Sam's gaze lifted involuntarily, to catch and lock with grey eyes, under
that familiar determined brow. "It really is. Frodo calls you his 'dear
Sam' – but then he does that for everyone. Had you noticed? Everyone is
'dear this' or 'dear that'. And he'd been getting restless, and Bilbo had
been talking about Rivendell again. It wouldn't do. He wouldn't be happy
like that. Wandering about the country, getting into scrapes, missing his
meals. It really wouldn't do."
Sam swallowed, and thought about duty. Thought about
the odd starts his betters could get up to, and still he would be expected
to turn a blind eye. Thought about what his old Gaffer would say, and how
much Sam had loved old Mr Bilbo. And his fingers clenched into fists.
"It won't do you any good, you know," came that
voice again, somehow full of cold heat, and forged iron, "He's too
precious to me. I can't allow you to win. And Bilbo had the power. All
that power. He wasn't even using it…"
For one more second, they stared at each other. It
weren't even madness in Master Merry's eyes.
Then the shadows shifted and he was gone.
Sam never even felt the first blow.